Bloody

I always said that those poor people who got all upset over a birthday were just in an unhappy place in their lives.  Nearly 30 and unmarried or childless or unemployed or whatever, nearly 40 and unhappily married or underemployed or filing for bankruptcy or whatever.  Whatever it is that they think they should have by that age and they don't so they freak out and get resentful and unhappy about having a birthday.

But holy shit, here I am about to turn 47 and for the first time in my life my period was really, really weird and I think it may possibly be the very early beginnings of menopause and I tell you what, I am FREAKING OUT.

I have a confession to make:  I kind of love having my period.  I don't love the pain (or the menstrual migraines, obviously) but I like how it makes me feel very introspective, and creative, and it kind of forces me to slow down and maybe take a day off work if I need to, and evaluate.  If there is any bullshit going on in my life it becomes very clear during my period.

Back in my late 20s I went through a hippie phase, for real, and I made my own menstrual pads out of unbleached cotton, and washed them and used the water on my plants.

Well, I did that for a couple of months, before I realized how kind of stupid that is, because it's just stinky and doesn't actually help the plants.  Even if you disregard the idea that soaking used cotton homemade menstrual pads in water is kind of gross, which it sort of is, but I was all about the loving my body and being natural and yadda yadda.  Even still, it did not seem to bring any benefit to the plants and was definitely unpleasant, so screw it.

I do not still make or use cotton menstrual pads, but I do try to find products that are not unhealthy to me or the environment, and I love my Instead softcups, which are kind of like a disposable Diva cup.

I pay attention to my body, or at least I try to.  I like my body, give or take a few aesthetic changes I might desire, and I like to know what's going on.  This month it seemed like I ovulated for way longer than normal, but signs of ovulation can be misinterpreted, so who knows.  But then my period was a little more than a week late, and it was a week of unprecedented hormonal distress.  I felt violently angry, extremely tired, emotional to the point of tears for no reason whatsoever, and just generally really unhappy every minute of every day.  The weirdest part was that I didn't feel like myself.  You know, plus a lot of crampy pain.

If that is what menopause is going to actually be like, just kill me now.  I am pretty sure my husband, who tried so hard to be nice to me, would agree.

My period finally started on Monday, and I am just now starting to feel a little bit back to myself again. I hope.  I really have no idea if that was in any way menopause-related or if I was just panicking, but I have to admit, it was kind of terrifying.

I'm Pretty Sure Casey Anthony Caused My Migraine

Another migraine!  Gads.  When I was younger I'd get migraines more frequently, but they only lasted one day.  I get them less often now -- it's been about seven months since my last one -- but they seem to take forever to go away.

This one started last Saturday, and was held at bay somewhat through use of pain pills/frozen washcloths/sleeping in a cool dark quiet room/massage.   It never completely got its hooks into me (by which I mean I never puked and was able to move about for at least a little every day) but it was bad enough to basically ruin a perfectly good weekend.  I went back to work on Monday, and probably shouldn't have.  

 

I did have to go a few days without writing, and I broke my streak.  That's okay, I'll just have to start a whole new streak now that it's finally gone.

 

Despite the migraine setback, I have still managed to re-watch all of the Harry Potter movies, from the Sorcerer's Stone through the Deathly Hallows part 1, and I also re-read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

 

I've never done the midnight movie release thing, but since this is the last one ever I decided to go for it, and I bought my tickets weeks ago for the 12:20am show tonight/tomorrow morning.  Woo hoo!   I'm hoping to see a lot of kids (maybe some adults?) dressed up in costumes.  I'm ridiculously excited about it.  I've already warned Greg that I will need at least a half an hour immediately after the movie to explain to him everything they left out or screwed up in the movie.

If the movie starts at ~12:30 and runs for 2 hours and 5 minutes, it'll be nearly 3:00am by the time we get home.  I am so going to take a nap this afternoon...