Friday, April 7, 2006


I'm so tired. I have been working the opening shift this week, which means I have to get up much earlier than I'd like. I haven't been going to bed early enough, so I've been getting sleepier and sleepier all week. Then the last couple of nights I've had a little trouble sleeping, I'm a little stressy because of all the condo-buying stuff.

Last night I stayed up to watch something on tv that I had been really looking forward to. It actually ran late, so it was close to midnight when I finally got to bed, and my alarm was set for 6. I went right to sleep, but I couldn't stay asleep. The last time I woke up was around 5 and I never did get back to sleep after that. I probably got around 3-4 hours of sleep.

I am so tired and sad. I remember learning years ago that there are three things that must be true before making any kind of serious decision: You must be sober, you must not be hungry and you must not be sleepy. Any of those three things affects your ability to think clearly. I'll try not to do any thinking while I'm at work today.

I am sad, too.

I went for a walk outside, and it's such a beautiful day. It's mid-80's, sunny, a little breezy. I listed to Stiff Little Fingers, Ying Yang Twins, Nick Drake, Bubba Sparxxx and T'Pau... What a completely psychotic combination.

I hate being sad while wearing my new Death Eaters t-shirt, it's so cool. Although being sad is somewhat comparable to eating death... I always thought the name "Death Eaters" was more about being in control of life, being able, and enthusiastic, to bring about death. Being depressed feels like eating death in the embracing, consuming despair, sense.

Yummy death... :-(