Wednesday, July 30, 2008

The "N" Word

Recently I came across a site, ostensibly about a mathematician, which turned out to have a hidden link on the main page. The hidden link went to a pile of images of various and sundry nekkid chicks, celebrities with their boobies or vajayjays falling out of their clothing, etc.

Then I saw the folder with a suspicious title and my uh-oh meter went off. Despite my better judgment, I looked, and the folder contained a hundred or so images. The half-dozen or so that I looked at all showed naked children. Not doing anything sexual, most were girls (who looked to be around 7 or 8) posing naked. Some with makeup on.

There was also a text file explaining why it was safe to look at these pictures, since they were legal and not child pornography. Maybe that's true, but I challenge anyone who is not a pedophile to look at those pictures without their skin crawling off.

As it turns out, it is kind of difficult to report inappropriate content. After some searching I ended up filling out a form on the Center for Missing and Exploited Children site (which the FBI site sent me to), but I never heard anything back, so I'm not sure if anything was actually done.

Although, if it's not technically "child pornography", is there anything to be done? The Center for Missing and Exploited Children site says that, "Under federal law, child pornography is defined as a visual depiction... of sexually explicit conduct, where it depicts a minor engaging in sexually explicit conduct and is obscene... and such depiction lacks serious literary, artistic, political, or scientific value."

Artistic value? My favorite photographer, Sally Mann (link), has taken beautiful black and white photos of her children, which do literally have proven artistic value (her photos sell for thousands, hang in museums, etc). However, in some of the pictures she took her children were naked, and she did get into a bit of trouble for it (link).

So, if some people can get all offended by Sally Mann's art, and obviously some people think the photos I found are just fine and dandy, then where is the line to be drawn, and who is to draw it? When it comes down to it, both Sally Mann's pictures and these creepy pictures are the same thing: deliberate, posed photographs of naked children.

I guess the difference is in the eye of the beholder. As foul as it seems to me, I'm sure there are some people who look at Sally Mann's art and see a naked child; and to them, that means sexual arousal. I suppose it might be less likely to happen with her art rather than with pictures specifically taken for masturbatory purposes, but ultimately, does it make a difference?

I question the wisdom of a legal system that says that pictures of naked children (that don't show overt sexual activity) are always legal, but I don't see how there is any way to make Sally Mann's beautiful artwork legal and this creepy weirdo's photos illegal, regardless of how obvious it is to me that Sally Mann's photos are art, and vital, and the weirdo was trying to sexualize a child.

Maybe I should be all like: It's not my kid so what do I care. Or, alternatively, get an "I heart PMS" button for my camo vest and take my machine gun out for a nice, juicy, pedophile-killin' spree (if you wear camo, they will not be able to see you sneaking up on them in their van parked across the street from the pre-school).

Obviously, I am aware that there are lots of ugly things on the internet, but I didn't expect to find this kind of thing hidden on a normal-looking website.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Look who managed to climb in between the window and the screen:

I guess we should pop the screen back in place, but even though there is just the tiniest sliver of space there, a lot of lizards and froggies seem to enjoy hanging out on the inside of the screen.

And our kitty enjoys it, too... Although, it is ultimately kind of frustrating for her. :)

Friday, July 25, 2008


What is wrong with Ellen today?

♥ Vaguely headachy, as though years of fluorescent lights and cubicle sitting are slowly nibbling away at my brain flap
♥ Lips remain slightly chappy, in spite of obsessive application of Burt’s Bees Honey Lip Balm
♥ Worried pointlessly about scary economy
♥ Co-worker just said we are soon upgrading our software to the new “four dot two” version, and no one but me seems appalled
♥ Will not be able to snuggle with husband/kitty/glass of Pinot Grigio for 6 more hours
♥ Co-worker went out to lunch and enjoyed a “pa-ninny”
♥ Worried about busy hurricane season
♥ Low-grade, constant resentment about stupid company’s no-iPod rule. Wish to listen to Adam Carolla rants, or Timbaland, or anything other than allergy-ridden co-worker’s continual sniffing
♥ Small zit in left eyebrow
♥ Co-worker wondered aloud about correct spelling of “similar” and ultimately settled on “simular”. Ironically, this is in Outlook, which has spell-check
♥ Sneezed three times so far, possible impending allergy attack, have decided to go ahead and worry about that, too
♥ Have consumed only 525 calories of granola bar/yogurt/tuna edibleness, when clearly Krispy Kreme doughnuts and quarter pounder cheeseburgers would make my body far happier. Haven’t I trained my digestive system to love sugar and grease?

What is right with Ellen today?

♥ It’s FRIDAY!!

Thursday, July 24, 2008


You know who I hate? People who don’t appreciate how hilarious I am. One of the things I do at work is talk on the phone to the reservation agents in our call centers (one here in Orlando and one in Milwaukee). I am extremely funny, and it is just tragic how some of the people I speak to seem to be unaware of it.

Recent conversation, after I updated an agent’s schedule for them to make up some missed time:
Agent = It looks like, in my schedule, I have a thing that says make up time. What is that for?
Me = Sensors in the computer have decided that you are not currently wearing enough make up, and automatically scheduled you to put more on.
Agent = (long silence…) Really?
Me = No, not really. You got in late today, the make up icon at the end of your shift is for you to make up the time that you missed this morning.
Agent = Oh! (still confused) Um… okay.

You know what I don’t have ANY sense of humor about? Agents who call to ask me if they can hang up their phone because they have diarrhea. Lord, yes, please do hang up, and never give me that much detail again. Or agents who ask me for a long lunch so they can go home and change clothes, after having had a menstrual accident. Yesyesyes go now, and stop talking to me about it!

An agent called me a few days ago to ask if he could get off the phone for a few minutes to work on something, and his exact words were, “Ellen, can you get me off?” I, being ever the serious businesswoman, couldn’t help laughing. I restrained myself from making a crude but witty joke about getting him off. I doubt if he appreciated the effort it took.

I’m so underappreciated! :o)

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Domestic Goddess

In the first or second season of Roseanne, there was an episode where Roseanne and Dan had been too busy to have their regular Wednesday “alone time”. Roseanne explains to Jackie that they don’t only have sex on Wednesday, but they always have sex on Wednesday – it’s their regularly scheduled sexy time.

It wasn’t until recently that it finally hit me – Wednesday is hump day! Ha. I love Roseanne. :)

Sunday, July 20, 2008

People Are Strange

Three years ago I went on a diet and lost 30 pounds. I wanted to lose 50, but hey, 30 is better than 0.

For the past few months I have been going through kind of a hard time (my dad passed away, my husband hurt his back really badly, my brother got cancer, my husband got laid off, etc.) and I have been slowly gaining the weight back. I have gained around 20 pounds.

Gross! I have been going in the wrong direction! So two weeks ago I got serious and have been trying to lose it. I've been counting calories and eating 1,100 calories/day, plus I've been doing 30 minutes/day on the treadmill.

And I've lost 2 pounds! Go, me. I am really proud of myself, it's hard. So, I've been feeling good, right?

Until this past week at work when a co-worker ASKED ME IF I'M PREGNANT.

(FYI -- no doubt about it, I am not pregnant.)

Holy crapmuffins. If I hadn't been doing so good lately, I think I would have cried.

Why would someone ask that, for god's sake? Even if I were pregnant, if I hadn't told her about it, that would mean I didn't want her to know. Geez!

I know she didn't mean to hurt my feelings. The look on her face when she saw the look on MY face was pretty horrified, so she knows she said the wrong thing. And my body does carry weight in my tummy, even when I was 20 and weighed 105 I had a little round belly. Still, it's not like it's been getting bigger...

So, okay, people are retarded assholes, that's not new. I am continuing on my diet/exercise path to healthy skinniness (or at least less-fatness).

Did I mention that she is pretty overweight?