Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Happy! New! Year!

Last week Greg and I drove up to Gainesville GA to spend Christmas with my Mom. We stayed at the guest room in her retirement home, and we had a really good time. We took her out to IHOP and had breakfast for dinner (it's practically a tradition with us now), and we opened Christmas presents (I made Mom a calendar from old photos I scanned) and watched the Game Show Network, and had a lot of fun.

Also! I have had the worst year of my life in the past 12 months, it all started last December 18 when my Dad died. Literally every single month following that terrible day, something awful happened; terrible injuries, serious illnesses, a job loss, debt, another death, it just went on and on. I got so stressed out and freaked out that I wasn't able to sleep and I would sit in the dark, alone on the couch in the living room, and just cry. I really was losing hope that anything would ever be okay again, and I absolutely knew that I didn't have any strength left to keep going.

But nothing bad has happened now for a couple of months, and at least some of the bad things that happened before are starting to look better, so I am hopeful again. And I've decided to stop worrying (or at least cut down significantly on the worrying) that something other bad thing will happen, and just be happy NOW.

Statistically speaking, it seems logical that having so many tragedies happen during the past year or so means that I should be tragedy-free for at least the next few years, right?

Okay then! :o) Yay 2009!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

December 18, 2007

Today it's been one year since my Dad passed away.

This is the first time in my life that I've lost someone really close to me. At first it was just overwhelming, then it kind of settled into a depressed hopeless sadness. My Dad was so many different things to me, it kept hitting me all over again: the guy who took me up into the mountains to chop down a Christmas tree is gone, the guy who always brought back Gobstopper candies and Archie comic books back from business trips is gone, the guy who drove me to all my orthodontist appointments is gone, the guy who always had my college graduation photo on his desk is gone.

For the first few months, any mention of someone's Dad dying on tv or in a movie would make me cry. Then it turned into only hitting me every now and then, at weird times. Once a few months ago I was watching something on tv and a woman getting married went and hugged her elderly father, he reminded me of my dad and for one split second I thought I miss him, I think I'll go call him...

My brother and sister-in-law are going to take my Mom out for dinner tonight, since today will be an extra hard day for her. I know every day is hard for her, but she is doing okay. I can't wait to see her, this time next week I will be in GA visiting her for Christmas.

I remember thinking that last year about Dad.