Thursday, June 29, 2006

Satan Lives in the BP

Yesterday I went to the BP by my office to get a diet BooKoo. A certain person, who I won't name but I do happen to be married to him, had to get up at 5am yesterday morning... Anyway, I was sleepy by lunchtime.

So there I am in the BP, and there my diet BooKoo isn't. They had a million RockStars and RedBulls and BooKoos and Monsters, none of them diet.

I get my diet Coke with lime, and head for the counter. Then Satan shows up, and somehow I end up buying a (smallish) bag of Lay's Salt & Vinegar chips.

This is literally the first time in 6 months that I have just cheated out of pure weakness. I have cheated before, but it's always been pre-scheduled, and with my sweetie. I feel bad... I know it happens, and I am human, and no one can have perfect willpower all the time, and I'm doing really good, and one bag of chips isn't going to make me gain back the almost 30 pounds that I've lost. I know! I still feel bad. I am afraid of heading down the wrong road, just a little at first, and then farther, and then the next thing you know I am in Fatville.

I bet a kickboxing class would burn a lot of calories. Plus, I'd get to kick stuff... I like to kick stuff...

Monday, June 26, 2006

Top Ten Top 5's

Top 5 Musical Artists To Listen To On A Sad Rainy Day:
Rupert Hine
David Bowie
Billie Holiday
Nick Drake

Top 5 Cutest UFC Fighters:
Frank Mir
Rich Franklin
Forrest Griffin
Tito Ortiz
Adrei Arlovski

Top 5 Chicks I Might Want To Have Sex With, Even Though I Am Not A Lesbian:
Jennifer Tilly
Tera Patrick
Portia De Rossi
Allison Bechdel

Top 5 Things Made Of Chocolate:
Dove Bars
Godiva Dark Chocolate Raspberry Bars
Peanut Butter M&Ms
Cadbury Easter Eggs

Top 5 TV Characters To Whom I Am Oddly Attracted But Would Obviously Never Do Anything With, Even If They Weren't Fictional:
Vic Mackey (The Shield)
John-Boy Walton (The Waltons)
Tommy (Third Rock From The Sun - the later episodes)
Jim (The Office)
David (Roseanne)

Top 5 Movies I Can Start Watching At Any Point During the Movie, and Laugh:
Groundhog Day
The Wedding Singer
The 40 Year Old Virgin
Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Top 5 Colors:
Sky blue
Shiny black
Pastel Pink
Dark Purple

Top 5 Things About My Husband That Might Possibly Surprise You:
He likes to cook
He watches "America's Funniest Home Videos"
He has toenails that point upwards in an aggressive, bloodthirsty manner
He dances around in his boxers to Kelly Clarkson
He was born a female

Top 5 Menstrual Products:
Instead cups
Anything with "wings"
Unscented, biodegradeable unbleached tampons

Top 5 Reasons I Am Looking Forward To Going Home From Work Today:
Hugs and kisses waiting for me at the door
Salmon for dinner... yum
Working on my new painting
Almost finished with really good book
Wet kitty nose waiting just for me

Food... Again...

A few more pounds, and I will have lost a total of 30. I kept a few pairs of jeans/shorts/tops from when I was skinnier, and it's fun to go through them to see what fits now. I'm 2 sizes smaller, and I think by the time I'm at -30 I'll be 3 sizes smaller.

I needed to lose 53 pounds to get down to my healthy goal weight, so I am right around halfway there. I know that making a permanent change to eat healthier and get some excercise is the best way to lose weight and not gain it all right back again, but it sure is taking a freaking long time to lose weight. I've been at this now for 6 months.

It's been 6 months since I've flopped down in front of the tv and hadsalt & vinegar potato chips and coke for dinner, or ordered fried shrimp, or baked buttery biscuits, or had a Dove bar...

I love our cheat meals, though. I appreciate decadent food so much more now that I'm not eating it all the time. (I really need to plan a potato chips/coke cheat night sometime soon.) Yesterday we went to a buffet, which is automatically a bad idea because buffets always make me feel like I should eat as much as I can without actually dying. They had great southern food, though -- stewed tomatoes and okra, chicken and dumplings, meat loaf, mashed potatoes, green beans cooked with ham, banana puddin'... Not that I ate all of that, of course... just giving examples... I don't think I'll be hungry again until sometime on Thursday.

Saturday, June 24, 2006


Last week a guy who lived in the condo almost right across the street from us was found dead. The mailman (who is from Jamaica and also lives here) reported to authorities that the guy hadn't picked up his mail in a long time... and there was a bad smell coming from the condo.

They don't know how long he had been dead, and I don't know how he died. Apparently he lived alone and was an older guy.

The next day I noticed the flag by our clubhouse was at half-mast.

One of my favorite lines from Bridget Jones' Diary is about her fear of living alone her whole life, and being found weeks after her death, half-eaten by an alsatian (which is, I found, a type of German shepherd). It's one of those things that's only funny because it is so horrifically true.

I remember I was so happy living alone, and being alone in general, before I met Greg. But underneath all the indpendent happiness was always a vague underlying fear of being alone forever.

Being old alone would be so hard. My parents are old (Dad=90, Mom=84) and I see how hard it is for them just to get through a day. They live in a retirement home, and have people to do their cooking and much of their cleaning. Still, things are hard when you are tired all the time, can't see as well, can't hear as well, can't walk as well and have no idea what people are talking about when they reference new movies, popular music or that "internet" thing.

I see how far they go just to help each other out (Dad waits in the bathroom while Mom takes a shower, because last year she got dizzy, fell and broke a vertebrae; Mom tries to see for Dad, telling him what's on his plate at dinner, and helping him find a package of walnuts in the Wal-Mart) and I can't imagine how they could be alone.

I still like being alone. Greg is going out of town for a week soon, and I'll miss him a lot, but I'll be okay by myself. The first day I'll really enjoy it, the third day it'll be getting a little tiresome but still nice and peaceful, the day before he comes home I'll be so anxious to feel his lips on mine I'll have trouble sleeping. I like being alone, but I like being with him even more.

I have no idea what the guy's name was, or if he has any family, or what his religious beliefs are. I hope he wasn't sad when he died.

Saturday, June 3, 2006


I have lost 21 pounds so far, and according to this chart: I should weigh between 102-123 pounds... I started at 163, and am now at 142.

Since I have teeny bird bones I should be on the lower end of the weight range... My goal is 110 pounds, so I have 32 pounds left to go.

I am at kind of a plateau, I haven't lost any weight in the past few weeks, so I need to kick it up a notch. I haven't been getting as much exercise as I would like, so I am making an effort to go on the treadmill every night after work. I did skip walking during my lunch break for a week or so, because it's just so flippin' hot outside I get all sweaty and gross. I have devised a way to walk around and kind of circle the building so I can pop inside and do an interior lap, just long enough to cool off in the AC.

I also joined a weight loss group here: There are 10 of us trying to lose weight, and whoever loses the most (as a percentage of beginning body weight) by the end of July wins. We..each put in $20, so the prize will be $200, awarded at a beach party. I am not really expecting to win, but I'm hoping the experience of sharing with a group will renew my motivation.

I have also gone down two clothing sizes, and (ugh) one bra size. I remember how much I used to love to shop back when I was a size 3, I am really looking forward to being able to buy cute clothes again (instead of baggy fat-girl monstrosities).

The good news is my C-cup boobs are every bit as perky as my D-cup boobs were. I was a B-cup back in the olden days when I did weigh 110, I am hoping no droopage will occur when I get there again.