Wednesday, October 24, 2012

I don't know.

Maybe it's letdown from the fabulous concert experience, maybe it's that work has been wearing on me,  maybe it's PMS, maybe it's that I miss my Mom and wish I could go visit, maybe it's the shorter daylight hours, maybe it's a combination of all of the above, but lately I have just felt so blah.

I miss the days when I was, essentially, being paid to stay home.  What is with those people who get "bored" at home, and take a job just purely to "keep busy"?  I knew some people like that at my former call center job.  After I got laid off, I got up at 6:30am every day with Greg, did my little 12-minute workout, answered emails, cleaned, took free classes at the Apple store and the library and the local employment office, took my laptop to the mall or the library to write, worked on projects (like making a printed book of all the photos from our honeymoon), took photos or video of the kitten, went for long walks in the park, cooked dinner. I loved it, and I was so busy -- I literally never turned the tv on or picked up a book all day, and was constantly busy.  With life.

But now I have to go to work all day, so I can't get anything real done.  When I get home, I just feel so tired. I don't want to do the dishes, I don't want to clean anything, and I can't even find energy to write a blog entry or return an email.  And so everything gets dirtier, and emails pile up, and then it just seems like such an insurmountable chore.

I have wanted to research our family tree and make a book for Mom, but when I was unemployed and getting severance I felt like spending $77 for a 6-month subscription to the Ancestry site was too much, I didn't know when or if I'd find a job.  Day before last I finally forced myself to sign up, and it is really fascinating to see the census from 1910, with my father's parents and before my father was born, and then see the one from 1950 which listed him as being 4 1/2 years old.  Still, it's practically November, and I had hoped to have something for Mom for Christmas, and I don't know if that'll happen.

Whenever I do talk myself into doing something on my giant list of obligations, it doesn't even really make me feel better to cross it off, it seems like it just leads to something bigger.

Well, I'm a bummer.

To end on a lighter note (and an Ant note) I do seriously love the internet.  Though I don't post there often, I have been a member of the forum on Adam Ant's website for years, and I posted about going to the concert here in Orlando, and included a few pics.  Hilariously, a total stranger (and fellow forum user) recognized me from my pics and realized that they had taken a pic of Greg taking a pic of me in front of the Hard Rock!

A forum member taking a pic of
some lady taking a pic of some guy, and
Greg taking a pic of me.  It's meta.