Godless Heathen

All right, here it is, just in time for Christmas:  I am an atheist.

Reasons why I ought to be a Christian:

• I was raised in a Christian household, and though he died when I was small and I never really knew him, my maternal grandfather was a minister
• I grew up attending a small rural church that perfectly embodied what most people would think of as the churchy ideal -- it was basically a cross between the church on Little House On The Prairie and the one on The Waltons, but with more modern plumbing
• In that church, I spent a large number of happy hours eating fried chicken and oven-baked macaroni and cheese during potluck lunches in our little Fellowship Hall; wearing a dress made out of a white sheet and a ring of gold tinsel on my head to be a part of the "multitude of heavenly host" in our Christmas pageant (or, when a little older, wearing my father's plaid wool bathrobe to be a "shepherd in the field"); and singing hymns (Love Lifted Me was my favorite)
• My father, when dictating his obituary to me a few years ago, chose to deliberately leave out his long military career, including serving in the Army during World War II, hoping to highlight his lifetime of devoted service to the church
• My mother and sister are both dedicated Christians who are happy in their faith (and unaware of my godless heathen status, although they do know that I don't attend church)

Calling myself an atheist is not a thing that I say lightly.  I have tried to believe in God, to have faith.  And part of why I have hesitated to write about this is that I have no easy explanation for why I don't; all I have is my mind, and my heart, telling me that it just isn't true.  It's not right.  And when I was finally able to let go of trying to force myself, all of a sudden everything made sense.  It was such a relief.

I am reluctant to tell people because almost universally people hear atheist and they think amoral. Is the wrath of a higher power and the threat of eternal damnation the only reason to decide not to do bad things?  I am a very moral person, I try hard to be compassionate and honest, and though I have my selfish and impatient moments, I would never deliberately hurt anyone. I don't dislike or think less of people who are religious, and I would never think of trying to talk anyone out of their faith. I know several people whose faith clearly brings them joy, and I am happy for them. Obviously, within any group of people there are kind and awesome individuals, mean and nasty individuals, and everything in between.

You know who I have trouble with, though?  Those people, and this actually may be the majority of people, who don't take the time to really think about it.  In our society, a belief in God is like the default setting, it's just what you are supposed to do.  I am afraid that a lot of people who say they are Christian say it as though they think it equals "good person", and to not believe in God means "bad person", but they don't ever actually go to church, or pray, or read the Bible.  I know multiple people who identify themselves as Christian, are impressed with a person/business/politician who makes their Christianity known, genuinely think of themselves as religious, and yet they never go to church and don't even own a Bible.  Somehow I don't think putting up a false, insincere front will get anyone on the fast track to Heaven.  I am sympathetic, though, because stopping to really think about it, about how the world was created and where we go when we die and what our lives actually mean, is overwhelming.  But what is life if you never stop to think about it?

I don't believe in God, in any God, and I am a good person. 

The Inadvertent Bully

Lately, a lot of people have been talking about bullying, in particular about the gay high school/college kids who have committed suicide.  I, being an indescribably passionate fan of the intelligent, hilarious, fearless and occasionally slightly vulgar Dan Savage, was excited by his It Gets Better project from the day he first announced it on his podcast (called Savage Love, his super awesome weekly love/sex advice podcast, check it out).  It started out as a channel on YouTube, he and his spotlight-shy boyfriend recorded the first video aimed at young people in crisis with the message that It Gets Better.  He invited anyone to contribute their own videos, with the goal of communicating to gay kids that, regardless of how oppressive things get if surrounded by narrow-minded jerks during school, as adults they can choose their own friends, their own partners, and have a happy successful life.

The It Gets Better project took off quickly, with thousands of people posting videos, including celebrities and politicians (even President Obama).  Some are sweet, some are kind of cute, and some poignant - like the one from Tim Gunn, who shared that he attempted suicide when he was bullied as a teenager.

A lot of people on tv have been talking about bullying, as well.  I saw Madonna on Ellen's show, discussing the problem.  It is obviously a good thing when people talk about how to make things better for suffering young people, and how to prevent suicides.  However, listening to them go around and around with vague platitudes about raising awareness and stopping bullying, I couldn't help but feel like they were missing the point.

Now, I am not a parent, I am not a teenager; but I used to be a teenager, I saw bullying, and I try to be a thoughtful and empathetic human being.  Something Dan Savage said recently on a podcast rang true to me, and I feel like it's at least part of the point people are missing, so I wanted to share it.

A caller accused Dan of being negative about Christians, of assuming Christians are, in some way or another, behind the bullying.  With his typical brilliant bluntness, Dan said that a parent who speaks about homosexuality in any way other than with respect and acceptance is contributing.  (I am recalling this to the best of my ability, I'm certainly not quoting here.)  He said that when a child hears their parents talk about how gay people shouldn't adopt, shouldn't get married, shouldn't have the exact same rights that everyone else has, they get the message that there is something wrong with gay people.  Any parent who says that God teaches that homosexuality is wrong is telling their children that gay people are wrong.

It's hard to be a teenager. Virtually everyone is bullied or is a bully, to some degree, during school years.  I think judging people, looking for weaknesses, and stereotyping is an inevitable part of figuring out who you are, and finding your place in society.  I know I was a total dumbass a lot of the time, and even though I was too quiet and shy to be much of a bully to anyone, I do remember thinking less of people because of absolutely insignificant differences.

So what happens when kids, struggling with issues and insecurities of their own, hear their parents say that gay people shouldn't have equal rights?  In at least some cases, they go to school and target the gay kids.

Sure, there are probably some parents who are actual raging homophobes who actively encourage their kids to go be violent and cruel to classmates, but honestly, that has to be a small minority, right?  Probably the vast majority are parents who think of themselves as fair, open-minded people, who are fine with gay people in theory, but not in actual fact.

And to be completely honest, I am most irritated by the people attempting to hide in the middle of the gray area, not willing to take a firm stance either way.  People who believe that God literally spoke out against gay people in the Bible, who believe that gays are doomed to hell (and therefore, it would follow, evil) are, in my opinion, sadly hateful; but at least they are sincere in their belief.  The people who really piss me off are those who say they have no agenda against gays but consistently vote against equal rights.  The people who say they are not homophobic, they even know a gay person or two; but they don't think gay people should marry or adopt.  The people who say they are fine with gay people doing whatever they want, but behind closed doors. And I bet it's those people who are indirectly and inadvertently encouraging their children to bully gay teens.

Whether or not it was deliberate on the part of the parents doesn't matter at all to a tormented gay teen who is considering suicide.