Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Stabbing Anxiety < Blank and Fuzzy

Well, I still don't know what is going on at work, and last week I started to get anxious and upset almost to the point of panic. PMS made things worse, for sure. I tried to keep up with my cardio workouts in the mornings, and that made a big difference with the muscle tension creeping up my shoulders and neck.  I took a few Advil PM's to help me get enough sleep. Taking a few days off last week to celebrate Greg's birthday gave me a chance to get away from the office and have a little distance, both physically and emotionally.  And it might not be possible to cuddle a sweet, nuzzling kitten without being cheered up.

This week I'm back and I just feel sort of numb.  Every night I have weird stress dreams; like wandering through a huge pot-luck lunch full of strangers and platters full of delicious looking food that I don't want to eat because I don't know anyone.  I don't feel the stabbing anxiety anymore, but I don't feel good either. 

Of course I haven't been writing.  Other than taking a few pics of Alabama I haven't done anything at all creative.  A friend invited me to go to a local Romance Writers of America meeting.  It sounds inspiring and helpful, full of experienced writers who have been published, and she said that the fact that my chick-lit novel isn't technically "romance" wouldn't matter.  I'm planning to go with her on Saturday, and there's like a little piece of my brain that is excited about it, but mostly I just feel reluctant.  I feel intimidated by the writers and overwhelmed by everything, and just thinking about going makes me tired.

I am going to try to talk myself into going.  I haven't seen this friend in a long time, and we could go have lunch afterwards, and it would certainly be fun.  I feel like I ought to use writing to relieve all this angst, or to at least escape from it, but I don't know how to do that.  My mind feels blank and fuzzy, but maybe being with other writers would spark some inspiration.

We'll see.


  1. Go with your friend. Just be open, treat it like a sight-seeing event. Don't be intimidated, just be interested:)

    1. That's what I'll try to do, Wooz. Thanks :)

  2. it's just your introvert nature kicking in; i know this well as i share it. push through it and go to meeting. liberate yourself of expectations about it and just let yourself see what you see, hear what you hear, feel what you feel. i think once you get there you will enjoy it and feel reenergized!

    1. Yeah, I know that's true about my introvert nature. Sometimes it's hard to distinguish between taking care of myself by letting myself stay home, and taking care of myself by pushing through.

      I'm pushing through this time! Thanks for the advice.


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