Update: Donna!

Believe it or not -- and at this point so much time has passed it is probably slightly hard to believe -- I finally called Donna!  I whined about her previously here and here.

It was last Tuesday, June 14, Flag Day, and Casey's birthday.  I figured the absolute worst case scenario would be for me to call Donna, find out that Casey was dead, and that I had upset Donna by calling and asking about her.  This may or may not be realistic to worry about, but I am kind of a worrier, and good solid worrying doesn't have much to do with being realistic.  I thought that on Casey's birthday Donna was sure to be thinking about her, so she'd already be upset.  It was a great plan!

I called around 7:30pm, from my bedroom closet.  I make all my phone calls in my closet now, it's a habit I picked up when I started called Mom every other day to check on her when she hurt her back several years ago.  She was in so much pain and was so depressed.  The calls were brutally difficult to make but I felt like it was so important to check in with her, to try to think of something funny or interesting to tell her about my day when her days were filled with nothing but incapacitating pain.  When my mother can't even fake being cheerful, things are bad.  I got into the habit of making the calls from my comforting dark womb-like closet, and sometimes I'd hold hands with one of the long sleeved shirts.  I suppose we all take our comfort where we can get it.

Donna answered the phone, and I recognized her voice.  She was thrilled to hear from me, and realized who I was as soon as I said my name, despite not having spoken to me for two decades or so.  Then she asked where I got her number, and when I told her I found it online, she seemed a bit disturbed.  I told her I just looked in the white pages online (if she's listed in the phone book she's listed online), and she said that actually she doesn't have internet access at home anymore, and never uses her computer.

Well, that explains her absence from Facebook.  I'd rather lose one of my toes that not have a computer with internet, but I guess everyone has different priorities.

My old friend from high school is not dead!  Casey is alive and well and living in Washington DC with her Puerto Rican husband and her 14 year old daughter.  Donna gave me her number and wrote down mine, so we can all continue to keep in touch.  We spoke for more than 30 minutes, catching up and just enjoying hearing each other's voices again.

I actually waited a couple of days to call Casey.  I wanted to give Donna time to tell Casey I'd called, and who knows, maybe Casey would even call me first.  On Thursday night she hadn't called and so I took the phone back into the closet and called her.

I got an answering machine, and was leaving a message: "Hi Casey, this is Ellen, I just called to say hi --" and I heard the line pick up and her voice shrieked: "ELLEN!  YOU'RE NOT DEAD!"

Well, I guess my old friend and I always did have a few things in common.  Her sister Donna had not called her, and my voice on her answering machine was completely unexpected.  We had the most wonderful time bringing each other up to speed on marriages and careers and families and just all the things that make up a life.  She sounded happy, and completely in love with her husband and her daughter, who sounds remarkably like the teenage Casey I was friends with.  She and her family are planning a trip to Orlando sometime later this year, so I should be able to get to see her, after all these years.

I am so glad I finally called!

I've Finally Gotten My Head Back

From whatever evil monster had taken it away to migraine-land.  That ended up lasting more than a week, which is way, way too long.  Oh, the giddiness when my poor head was finally pain-free!

Update on Donna:  I still haven't called.  I know, I'm a big wuss.  I did, however, compose a script to read, just in case I get her voicemail.  "Hi Donna!  This is Ellen... remember me?  I was just hoping to chat for a few minutes and catch up. I miss you!  It seems like it's just been forever.  Hopefully everything is good and you all had nice holidays.  If you get a minute, you can call me back sometime!  I'm at 000-000-0000.  That's my home number.  Or, I'll just try you back later.  Talk to you soon!"  I figured I'd be better off mentioning the possibility of me calling her back instead of asking her to call me.

Update on the Wizarding World of Harry Potter:  It's still there, doing fabulously.  They sold their millionth butterbeer this week.  I am considering having my yearly visit on my birthday this year, March 17.

Update on Mr. Marigold: Despite having to bring him inside twice due to below freezing temperatures and frost (WTF?  This is Florida! Dammit) he is happy and is blooming yellowly.

Update on Mom: She is doing fine and we had a wonderful Christmas visit.  She loved the calendar I got her (Robert Tuckwiller, who paints scenes from... well, apparently from my childhood.  Looking at this calendar makes me homesick), and we had our traditional breakfast for dinner at IHOP the night of our arrival.  Yesterday she had a hand-held shower and a bench installed in her bath, so she can bathe in the shower while sitting down.  I know it's going to take some getting used to, but I think she'll be much happier, and safer.

I didn't have much ability, stuck in the vise grip of a migraine, to think about resolutions for the new year.  Eat healthy, lose weight, exercise, yadda yadda yadda.  Don't I say that every year, with widely varying levels of success?   Whatever.  Really, I want to watch more movies.  I want to WRITE. I want to spend more time outdoors. I want to see friends and family more often.

Most importantly: I want to get a pedicure!

What Should I Do?

Several times this year I have mentioned finding old friends on Facebook, and how there is one particular friend, Casey, to whom I was especially close in high school and college, that I can't find.  She was such an interesting person back then, so smart and funny.  She was tall, with slender legs and arms, and my short little self was so envious of her effortless elegance.  She rooted for underdogs, liked to cook, was too shy to speak to any guy she thought was cute, and despised her curly hair (she wanted to have a sheet of silky hair, like a Veela, but her hair defied her).

To recap:  we kept in touch after I moved from Virginia to Florida for the first few years, then our long-distance phone calls and hand-written letters became farther and farther apart.  Communicating was so much harder in the dark days before the internet!  I haven't heard from her in more than 15 years, at this point.

I've asked other friends, and the same thing happened with them.  Casey moved away from our small town, and lost touch with all our old friends.  When people found me on Facebook, they'd message me asking about Casey, assuming I'd be most likely to still be in touch. 

Then I found, just by random searching on Facebook, Casey's sister Donna.  They were close to the same age, and we'd all been friends.  Thrilled, I friended her and sent her a message.  She accepted my friend request silently.  I messaged her again, and heard nothing.  I sent her an email to the address she listed, and heard more nothing.  I sent friend suggestions to people from high school we'd known.  Nothing came of that, none of them are friends with Donna - in fact, despite a fairly large number of our classmates on Facebook, I am the only one from back in the day that Donna is friends with. 

The one day out of the blue she posted a comment on one of my photos, saying she had some old photos she would post soon.  I was encouraged, and posted several old photos of her and Casey and I, tagged her to be sure she'd see them, and posted this on her wall:   Just uploaded some pics from college, several of you and several of Casey. Send me a message or an email, I'd like to catch up! :)

That was on April 11.  Since then, there's been no activity at all.  No response, no wall posts or status updates or anything.

So. I did a Google search for Donna's name and the city I see she now lives in, and found a phone number. I'm practically a stalker.

What should I do now?  Should I call her?  Should I take the Facebook silence as a big hint, and go away?  At this point I feel that the news about Casey might well be bad, and that bothers me tremendously.  Knowing what happened, even if it's bad news, would at least bring an end to my wondering.  But is that selfish, expecting Donna to relive whatever emotion is tied to thinking and talking about her sister?

Also, she didn't give me her phone number.  Would it be invasive to call her?  I found it because it is listed in the public phone directory, though, so anyone with access to a phone book can find it. 

Not ever finding out what happened to my old friend would be so sad.  And there is at least a TINY chance that Donna would be glad to hear from me. Maybe she just couldn't get the hang of Facebook so she stopped using it.  Maybe Casey is fine, and Donna would give me her phone number, and we'd renew our friendship, and everyone would be happy.

I could use some guidance, as I am completely conflicted about what to do.  Should I call Donna and ask about Casey, or should I let it go?  Please leave a comment and give me a little advice.  :)