Father's Day

Well, Father's Day pretty much sucks.

In remembrance of my Dad, here is a poem that my mother finds comforting. She saw it in the paper -- it may have been in a Dear Abby column, I'm not sure -- and she cut it out and carries it with her.

It's the Queen Mother's Funeral Poem, by David Harkins.

You can shed tears that she is gone
Or you can smile because she has lived
You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back
Or you can open your eyes and see all that she has left

Your heart can be empty because you can't see her
Or you can be full of the love that you shared

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday
You can remember her and only that she is gone
Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what she would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

Dad (and my brother) at Dad's 92nd birthday celebration.

Dad had a lot of trouble hearing, and he couldn't see much at all because of macular degeneration, but no one could tell. He walked around at his birthday party and spoke to everyone there, he laughed a lot and was just as social as ever.

I guess I shouldn't say that Father's Day sucks for me now, I guess I should take time to remember my Dad, and be grateful that I had such a great guy for a father. And also be grateful that he was around until his 92nd year, and even though he had eyesight and hearing issues, he was otherwise very healthy. And he was an intelligent, kind, loving person, right up until he left us.

Silk Painting

In 1996 I was turning 30 and looking for a new creative outlet. For the previous few years I had been focusing on digital fine art, using old photographs/scanned images and a very early version of Photoshop.

A local discount art supply store sold Deka silk paints and silk by the yard, and one day when they had a good sale I decided to go for it. I had no idea how to paint on silk, but the store provided a little Deka flyer with a few instructions. The silk needed to be stretched and suspended, so I bought a plain wooden frame at a thrift store and some pushpins. The silk paints could be painted onto the fabric with brushes (which I already had) and set by ironing, so that sounded easy enough.

I was immediately entranced with the movement of the paint across the silk. When I touched the very tip of the brush to the tightly suspended silk, the brightly-colored paint just bloomed across the surface. I tried different techniques, and found that if I painted onto wet fabric, it blended differently. If I painted a second layer over already painted silk, it blended it yet another new way.

A lot of the time I was frustrated, because at first I never seemed to have the slightest idea what was going to happen, but it was fascinating. And it seemed like no matter what happened, it ended up looking beautiful. I learned to stop having any pre-concieved goals about how anything would turn out, but just let the silk do what it wanted to do, and then go with it.

And it was in that moment that silk painting and I fell in love.  The organic quality of creating art  with the silk and paint seemed to be the exact opposite of the technical aspect of taking digital images, layering and manipulating them to create art.  I feel like art is always a collaboration between the artist and the material, and it's important for the artist to be able to listen. 

Alas, eventually our love affair became difficult.  I didn't have very much money, and had trouble affording supplies.  And I quickly found out that the silk paints would not quite hold the brilliant color once they'd been set with the iron and washed.  Unfortunately, without being washed, the painted silk would feel a bit stiff.  Apparently there were silk dyes that would retain their brilliant color after being washed, but they had to be set with steam.   In the sad pre-internet (for me, at least) dark ages, I had no idea how to get those kinds of things or how any of it worked.  The discount art supply store didn't carry any of that stuff.

So, after a few years during which I experimented with wall hangings and tiny silk paintings on greeting cards and putting silk paintings in frames, my interest in painting on silk waned.  I wanted to be able to feel silky material, AND have bright colors.  I moved on to other interests, and the super deluxe adjustable silk painting frame I'd splurged on after a bigger-than-expected income tax refund got shoved to the back of a closet.

But then!  At one point last year, during the Year of Bad Things Happening All The Time, I remembered how much I liked it.  I went to the all-knowing internet and found out how silk dyes worked, how to steam-set them, and where to buy supplies.  And I found other silk painters (like this one) who were doing amazing work.  I was inspired!

In January I dragged out my old frame and brushes and took inventory.  I ordered some supplies:  new paints and pre-hemmed scarves (oh, the gloriousness of a pre-hemmed scarf!) and set up a little studio in our sun porch.  I did a LOT of research about how to steam-set these new dyes, and was rarin' to go.

This time, I knew more or less what to expect, and when I started painting my first scarf, it was just pure joy.  Below are some pictures from that happy afternoon.

Here are my materials (new and old) gathered together:

My brand-new silk dyes, ready to paint:

The silk is held tight with little hooks:

And it's my very first attempt using my new materials!  Not perfect, but joyful and wonderful.

Podcasts

I have a long commute to work every day, it's approximately an hour each way, which means I spend about two hours a day (five days a week) sitting in my car. So my little iPod Nano is my best friend! I've had it for several years now, and it is still working perfectly and going strong. I LOVE it.

I load up my little friend with 4 gigs of music and podcasts. I listen to Adam Carolla's podcast pretty frequently (depending on who his guest is), I have some friends here in Orlando who do podcasts, and I subscribe (in iTunes) to several NPR podcasts.

One podcast I love especially is Stuff You Should Know. It's part of the How Stuff Works website, and it is just absolutely fascinating. I really learn a lot from Chuck and Josh, two writers who do extensive research and then explain a specific topic. The episodes usually last around 15 to 20 minutes, and can be about anything: cannibalism, animals having a sixth sense, flashmobs, urban explorers. One of my favorites was a recent episode on high fructose corn syrup. Those commercials that say it's fine in moderation are LYING.

But a podcast that I found recently has just absolutely enthralled me. I subscribe to it in iTunes and it is truly a tragedy that they only put out a new podcast once a week, and it's only around 10-15 minutes long. I could listen to this podcast for literally all of my 10 hours per week of commuting time. I want more!
It's called The Moth. It's people getting up on stage and just telling a true story of something interesting that happened to them. Some of the stories are funny, some are sad, some are just... interesting. Some of the people are good at speaking in front of a group, and some are obviously nervous. Sometimes you can tell the person is trying not to cry.

The stories they tell involve unbelievable coincidences, tragic circumstances, life-changing realizations, and all are truly awesome. I love the concept of people sharing these intense, touching, emotional moments of their lives. At the end of their stories, I feel like I know them, like I have made a new friend.

This website explains more about The Moth, which is a storytelling organization. You can listen to several of the stories here (the first one listed is Ed Gavagan - Drowing on Sullivan Street, which is an amazing story).

It's inspired me to think of stories in my own life that I could share. Has my life been very interesting, up to this point?

I guess it's had its moments. :)

Sydney

My favorite model. She even woke up for a minute there!

Surgery and Purple Rain

When I was 17, the summer after my junior year in high school and before my freshman year at community college (I skipped senior year of high school, went to community college for 2 years then transferred to a university) I had surgery on my mouth. As scared as I was about having surgery and being in the hospital, I was more than ready for an end to the daily struggle that my mouth was causing.

My upper jaw had begun growing a bit crooked, and while you really couldn't tell any difference by just looking at me, my teeth didn't meet at all on one side of my mouth, or in the front. The top and bottom teeth in the very back of the right side of my mouth met, but there was about a 3/4 inch space between my top and bottom teeth in the front, and more than an inch in the very back of the left side of my mouth. So I couldn't really eat normally, and every now and then I sounded weird when trying to pronounce certain words. Biting into anything like a hotdog or an apple was pretty close to impossible, and eating most food was difficult.

The actual surgery to basically break my jaw and wire it back together was way more intense and scary than the doctor had led us to believe, but I made it through fine. I had instructed my parents very carefully that an extremely important thing was happening the day of my surgery -- Prince was releasing his next album after my beloved 1999 -- and I HAD TO HAVE IT. They probably pointed out that I couldn't listen to an album in the hospital, but it didn't matter, I wanted to SEE it. So there I was after surgery, in intensive care with beeping machines and my mouth wired completely shut with a mouthful of medieval looking metal, clutching my Purple Rain album.


The poster that came folded up inside the Purple Rain album. See how tall Prince is? :)

Once I was released from the hospital I endured six weeks of having my mouth wired shut. I had regular braces, plus they had big thick wires going vertically from my top teeth to my bottom teeth, and my top teeth were sitting in a little molded plastic tray. In the true spirit of torture, they also gave me a tiny pair of sharp scissors on a cord to wear around my neck, to have handy to cut the wires loose so I wouldn't choke to death if I ever got sick and threw up. Isn't that a pleasant thought! Good times.

For six weeks I drank Coke with no ice (too cold on my teeth) and strained clam chowder. I didn't lose any weight at all, and seeing food was the most torturous thing ever; I would hide when my Mom and Dad would eat dinner and leave the room when restaurant commercials came on.

Funnily enough, I didn't mind much about not being able to speak. I could write a note if I really wanted to communicate something. And other than my once-a-week checkups, I didn't really go out too much. One of the reasons I had the surgery in the summer was so I could just stay home the whole time and not really see anyone. Once a week, though, I had to drive to Salem, VA, which was about an hour away, and get x-rayed to make sure the bones were healing correctly. Every week, after my appointment, I would drive to nearby Roanoke, VA, to see the movie Purple Rain.

I would walk up to the booth and hold up my piece of paper that said PURPLE RAIN, and they'd sell me a ticket. I'd go to the concession counter inside and hold up my little paper that said "COKE - NO ICE, PLEASE". I wonder what the people who worked there thought about the really short chick with dark brown hair long enough to sit on, punky jackets full of D-rings and Adam and the Antz buttons, black lace wristbands and a mouthful of chainlink fence, and who clearly could not speak.

So I ended up seeing Purple Rain about 7 or 8 times that summer. It was a nice little routine. Plus, I really don't think I could ever get tired of watching Prince perform. Or, for that matter, watching Prince lean up against a wall... he is so SEXY.

This would always be on a weekday afternoon, so often the theatre was practially empty. Once I was in the audience with a big group of middle-aged black ladies. I think they may have been an official group on some sort of Church of Prince outing, they were all extremely enthusiastic about every little detail in the movie. Shriekingly enthusiastic.
"Oh my God, those boots!"
"Look at that -- he eats Doritos!!"
"Woo, that boy can DANCE!"
"And in those heels!!"
They were great. They glanced back at the silent girl sitting behind them a few times, but they didn't speak to me -- and I obviously didn't speak to them.

Eventually I got my jaw unwired and I could eat normally again. It was literally more than a decade before I could stand to look at clam chowder, but apparently my love of Coke knows no bounds.

I Heart Photography

The first camera I ever got was a Christmas gift when I was around 10. This was the mid-70's, and it used those little rotating square flash bulbs that you would attach to the top, and they'd burn out after you used each side once. I loved my little camera, and wished I could take more pictures. It was expensive to buy the film, and the disposable flash cubes, and then have the pictures developed. I would get so excited when it was finally time to go pick up the pictures at the drugstore (it took a week or longer).

Since then I have always had a camera. I got my first SLR camera when I was in college and taking a photography course where I learned how to develop my own film in the darkroom. Once I got the hang of transferring the film from the teeny film canister to the lightproof developer thingie (which was tricky) it got fun, and I loved swishing the paper around in the stinky chemicals and seeing the image show up magically on the paper.

Even better than that was the invention of the digital camera, largely because I could see the image immediately (and just delete it if it was obviously bad) and because I could take hundreds of pictures at a time. I got my first digital camera about 6 years ago, and two years ago I got a digital SLR camera.

Oh, the unparalleled joy of being able to go to a party and come home with 250 snapshots of my family and/or friends. Oh, the unprecedented satisfaction of being able to set up a pretty flower in a lightbox and take 50 nearly identical photographs until I finally got the one that was PERFECT.

Sigh...

For Christmas my husband got me an external hard drive to keep all my pictures in. I use iPhoto to keep and organize my snapshots, and Aperture for my fine art photography. Total, I had around 40 gigs of pictures, which is a ridiculous lot, but I loved them all.

Did I back them up somewhere else also? No. Did I burn them to cds or dvds? No. Did I have stupid, poorly-thought-out fantasies about how quick and easy it would be to just grab the little drive and run if the house were on fire or we were evacuating due to a hurricane? Yes.

Did I ever once think about what would happen if our cable line got hit by lightning? Nope.

Did I weep piteous, bitter, self-loathing tears when our cable line got hit by lightning and my precious external hard drive was irreparably fried? Oh, you BETCHA.

The good news is that I had uploaded a lot of the really meaningful pictures online somewhere or other; to this blog, to my Facebook or MySpace pages, or to Walgreen's website to have them printed out. So some of the pictures of my Dad's last birthday celebration and my sister-in-law's wedding and other important events are not completely gone (though I usually didn't upload the full size versions). The bad news is that literally thousands of pictures are gone forever.

For the past few days, since we got the news back from the data retrieval place that our data was NOT retrievable, I keep thinking of specific pictures I'll never see again.

Mostly, the ones that really sting are sentimental. I had a few pictures of my kitty Zulie, who passed away three years ago. I had pictures of our house from before we moved into it, when the previous owner still lived here, and we were looking around trying to decide whether to make an offer.

Funnily enough, I also had one picture I had never shared with anyone; my friend knew of its existence and would be very glad to know it's gone. A big group of friends were at an outdoor concert downtown, and it was very late, and she was very drunk, and she decided it would be way too much time-consuming trouble to go stand in a long line at the bathroom, so she just squatted down and peed on the ground right there in the crowd. The thing that I found so hilarious (and the reason I was mean enough to take a picture of a moment I knew my friend would cringe over later) was the tiny, perfectly folded square of kleenex she held at the ready while peeing.

So, we have a new external hard drive and I am trying to think of this as a new start. I had been focusing so much on my silk painting lately I hadn't been taking as many pictures, so maybe this will inspire me...

No, this just SUCKS.

But I'll live. They are only pictures, I can live without them. And I'll take more, and I'll make sure this doesn't happen again.

"Free" Stuff

There are several websites that I go on frequently to get free stuff, samples, and discounted stuff. I've made a list of the best ones, I hope you find them useful, too. :)

* BzzAgent - This is a word-of-mouth dealie, where they send you stuff and you tell people about it, then you report back to Bzz. Anyone can sign up, and it's free. I have gotten coupons for free meals at Chili's, free vodka, free Afrin nasal spray, and coupons for Walgreen's and Take Care clinics. I have only been signed up with them for a few months, and so far I like it a lot. You do have to write up short "reports" detailing how you spread the word about whatever product they sent you, but for me so far the amount of effort I put in is minor compared to the amount of cool free stuff I've gotten.


* MyPoints - Once you sign up (which is quick and easy and free) MyPoints send emails, maybe 2-6 per day, and if you click on the ad in the email you get 5 points. (I find it is best to make a new email address specifically for MyPoints). I never buy anything, I often don't even actually look at the advertised website when it comes up. They also send survey emails, I don't do those either.

I accrue points, 5 at a time, and then when I have around 3,500 points I cash them in for a gift card. Sure, 5 points at a time takes a while, I'm not gonna lie. But it takes only a few seconds to click on the little orange "Get Points" button in the emails. I usually check my MyPoints email once a week and do them all in one go. Then around 8 months later, I have enough points for a gift card, and they have TONS of good gift cards to choose from. I've gotten $25 cards for Outback Steakhouse, Kohl's, Barnes and Noble and Macy's.

They want you to buy stuff through their links (they offer you a buttload of points for it), but I have never ever done that. I've never had to put in a credit card number either, all they have is my name and address to mail me the gift cards (which they do pretty promptly).


* Walmart Free Samples - These have a tendency to take a long while to get to you, but it is quick and easy to request them (especially if your browser has an auto-fill function that will automatically fill in your name and address on the request form).

Free samples are great for traveling -- I've gotten tiny bottles of shampoo and conditioner, little tubes of toothpaste and teensy containers of deodorant. I've also gotten samples of garbage bags, tampons, razors, paper towels, cat food, snacks, instant pudding, cake mix, granola bars, cereal, coffee, magazines, dental floss, tea bags and 100-calorie cakes. I love getting a little Walmart box of free stuff in the mail! The specific free offers can sometimes change frequently so I check the website several times a week.

* YDF (Your Daily Freebies) - This is a great source to find free and discounted stuff. This forum is the one I go on most often, looking for free samples. There are a ton of other sites similar to the ones I've listed here, you can find massive lists of them on this forum. I've found some really good deals here, but it requires a little bit of effort to sift through everything. It does seem to be a very friendly and helpful group of people posting there.

Why have internet if not to use it to get free stuff, huh? :)

If there are other sites like these that you use, please leave me a comment and let me know. Thanks!

New and Improved (?) Laminated List

I looked back over my Laminated List and realized that most (if not all) of those doods would probably not really like me all that much if we were ever to actually meet.

I am pretty positive that Penn Jillette, who seems to be a friendly but agressively outgoing person, would be irritated by my quietness. Dave Navarro, I think, would be turned off by my tattoo-less, piercing-less, implant-less, tan-less, stripper shoes-less self. I'm not too sure if I am ghetto enough for Lil Wayne (I would not have any syrup handy, that's for sure, and if he were to drink any in front of me, we might have a little problem). I suspect that Frank Mir is kind of assy in person, I doubt if we would have anything in common, and I imagine he would be impatient to get away from me. Who the hell knows about Prince, he is really too odd to call. Maybe he would love me, maybe he would hate me, maybe he would love me but act like he hated me.

You know how sometimes you see a person being interviewed on tv, and it just seems like like you'd have chemistry and similar interests, and you feel sure if you ever met you'd really hit it off? Hopefully other people feel that too and it isn't just me being celebrity-obsessed and stalkery.

1) Jeff Goldblum. I have always thought he was very sexy, with a sort of too-smart-for-his-own-good arrogance combined with an erotic smirkiness. I can see us sitting in a cafe by the beach, both of us wearing black pants and black turtleneck sweaters while everyone around us is in cutoffs and flip-flops. We would drink a bottle or two of pinot grigio while eating with our hands; ripping the shells off of shrimp and cracking open crab legs. We'd have long discussions about art, and whether the Futurist movement of 1911 could be accurately described as "punk" (yes, we would ultimately conclude).

2) Seth McFarlane. We would meet in a movie theatre showing The Lion In Winter when I, spotting him sitting alone a couple of rows away, drop my popcorn on him in the manner of Alabama in True Romance. We would share his smuggled bottle of Jack Daniels, he would whisper amusing asides to me in Peter Griffin's voice, and afterwards we'd go out for sushi.

3) Johnny Depp. I know, I know. But seriously, he's just so adorable. How could I NOT get alone with anyone that cute? If his personality is one-third as attractive as his face, he would have to love me.

This actually does make sense, in my head.

4) Keanu Reeves. He is so misunderstood. He has had many heartbreaks, and has such a dark intellect. We would meet in a used bookstore when our hands touched accidentally while reaching for the same copy of Hunter Thompson's Hell's Angels. We'd discuss gonzo journalism, existential philosophy, and I'd ride behind him on his motorcycle. I would understand him like no one ever has before, and we would communicate as two souls joined together on a higher level of consciousness.

5) Adam Carolla. Unlike Penn Gillette, conversationally Adam is just looking for an audience. I get along wonderfully with people like that, as long as I am even slightly interested in what they have to say. Adam would go off on a rant about how stupid traffic laws are, or how unfair building permit requirements are, or he would provide 1,472 hilarious examples from his Loveline days about how ridiculous people are in general. I would nod enthusiastically and interject just often enough to show agreement, but without actually speaking.

The problem with Adam Carolla is that I cannot be attracted to him. At all. Not even a little bit.

Here's the thing: I am an artistic person, and therefore very visual. Years ago, Adam was explaining how much body hair he has (everywhere). He said that, for him, cleaning up with toilet paper after he goes to the bathroom is like trying to get peanut butter out of a shag carpet with a cotton ball.

He is truly the master of the metaphor, but I will never get that image out of my head, and it's not exactly conducive to a sexy moment.

Maybe after a couple of martinis I could make out with him for a while.

Finding the Humor in Hairballs

I woke up early this morning (maybe it was the middle of the night?) shivering. As my sleepy self tried to wake up, I groped around looking for my blanket, and I realized that somehow the sheet and the comforter and the blanket had all gotten turned down, I was completely uncovered to my waist.

Brr! I pulled everything back up and snuggled down, and after a few minutes I was warm again and went back to sleep.

A couple of hours later the alarm went off, and I stood up and put my glasses on. I looked down at the bed, and saw... a big kitty puke hairball on my blanket, right above where I was sleeping!

So my cat vomited up a hairball ON ME while I was sleeping, then covered it up by pulling the covers down off of me.

Oh my goodness. Being barfed ON is so much worse than the dreaded getting-up-to-pee-and-stepping-in-puke-in-the-dark moment. I had honestly never considered that I would be puked UPON.

I had to laugh, standing there looking at my hairball-encrusted blanket. Ugh.

So in the spirit of laughing at my tragic misfortune, I happily accept the Lemonade Award!



This award was given to me by Deborah on her beautiful silk painting blog. She seems to think I have a positive attitude! :)

I love her blog. She writes about her silk painting artistry, and posts lovely pictures of her work. She is a big part of what inspired me to get back into silk painting, 10 years after having stopped. I love silk painting, and I love Deborah!

Ack, I do sound pretty positive... I am clearly losing my punk edge. I need to dig out my old Decline of the Western Civilization soundtrack.

I am nominating the lovely horror-stricken Marniekat to pass this Lemonade award on to. She is a loving wife and mother and makes beautiful jewelry, much of it horror inspired. I particularly love her Dexter pieces, and the Twilight necklace with the two red beads at the neck to symbolize blood drops from a vampire bite. :) Check out her Etsy store.

A kitty puke hairball necklace would be scarier, but I would totally not buy that, as I already have PLENTY.

Sisterhood Blog Award

Hey look! Tracey McBride from the Frugal Luxuries Food blog gave me a Sisterhood award! Neato.

Tracey McBride actually has three blogs: she also writes Frugal Luxuries by Tracey McBride (which is full of great ideas and tips for living graciously and luxuriously, within your means), and also Frugal Luxuries by the Seasons. She recently posted instructions for hollowing out and decorating eggshells, which is something I've always wanted to try. I will post an update on how badly that attempt fails, which is it sure to.

Thanks, Tracey! :) We are all sisters in spirit.

I would be honored to pass along this award to two of my very favorite blogs.
First, Angella Lister at 37 Paddington, who writes beautifully and lovingly about her family and her life. Sometimes her posts make me a bit weepy, but I'm a big softie and weep often anyway.

Secondly, Blogget at Blogget Jones's Diary. Girl, your life can be like a soap opera sometimes, but you write with such grace and humor and I know your "happily ever after" is right around the corner.

Yay for Sisterhood! Yay for blogs!