Last week I tried to stay busy. Up with Greg every morning at 6:30, working out, going to free classes at the library and the Apple store and the Workforce Central Florida office. I got more cleaning done than usual, and made dinner for Greg every night.
This week I feel further adrift. I had a weird, almost panicky moment on Wednesday when I realized that I had no idea what day of the week it was.
I kind of hated going to work every day. Especially with my hellaciously long commute, I was gone from home for 10+ hours every workday. Before work was filled with getting ready for work, and after work I was tired. I felt like life was passing me by while I was busy going to work, being at work, coming home from work, or recovering from having been at work.
Even though I didn't want to do it, I guess it defined me, in a lot of ways. It's like a giant chunk of who I was is gone now. Even if who I was was a person who resented the hell out of having to spend so much time away from home.
Greg has been awesome, as usual. He's encouraging me to go visit my Mom in the next couple of weeks, and I guess he's right.
I'm a little off-balance right now, but it's getting better. I do at least know what day it is today.
Go visit your mom. And maybe spend a couple weeks at a writers colony. And breathe. Try to see the freedom in this. Easier said than done, I know. Maybe plan something that gets you out the house every other day, or even every third day. You and I, we need that sort of planning. Don't forget to enjoy this period. You're ellen! Beautifully defined all by yourself.
ReplyDeleteI just made a reservation for the guest room in Mom's retirement home for the second week of July. I'm all set.
DeleteI am trying to be ellen! :) I don't know why it's so hard sometimes. Thanks for being my friend and giving me good advice, Angella.
I love the last line of Angella's post - "You're ellen! Beautifully defined all by yourself."
ReplyDeleteWith that in mind, my writerly friend, listen to Auntie Wooz: now is the time to write without regard to the worthiness of the words. Get your favorite writing paper and utensil (I prefer yellow legal pad and Dr. Grip in medium blue)and write a short goal and steps and a time- management plan. You are your own boss - what do you want from e? What does getting there entail? What do days look like, weeks, monthly goals?
Go see your mom and promise yourself to write something, anything,every day. Write snippets of what you feel, of what the air smells like, any little thing and save them. Make those days Vacation Days on the 'e corporation' calendar.
Keep looking at this as your newest adventure. You've been handed a life change, make it what you want it to be.
I am sending super-good thoughts your way:)
Thanks so much for being my cheerleader, Auntie Wooz. :) I have been writing, and I have plans to go visit Mom. I'm trying to think of where I want to be, and make goals for each step in how to get there.
DeleteI'll take your good thoughts, thanks :)