My period (it's okay, you can stop reading right here) was due while I was in Georgia visiting Mom. Of course, because of the traveling and the stress and the being away from home, it didn't. Typical!
I was sure it would start on the long drive home and took pre-emptive measures expectantly, but no.
No, my uterus was waiting for Tuesday; my first day back at work and the day of our department's "team building" outing to go have lunch together and play mini-golf.
I've never played mini-golf before, and am so completely non-athletic that even this tiny amount of physical competition was intimidating. I was not the kid in school who was sad and traumatized to be picked last, I was happy to be picked last, and tried to avoid any type of sporting activity completely if at all possible. I was the kid sitting alone in a patch of sunshine daydreaming while the other kids ran around in the fresh air wondering if I was sick or something.
So there we are in a mall, in a mini-golf course designed by stoned teenagers with black lights and day-glow monsters painted on the walls, clutching our bright orange putters and wearing glow stick bracelets. Positive that my uterus would betray me at this very moment, and already in some amount of pain, I had taken 600 mg of ibuprofen. Halfway through the course, somewhere between the underwater glowing pink fish and orange coral room and the knights with 3D swords in the castle room my pain kicked into overdrive. Thank goodness for the rule limiting each attempt to make the hole to only 6 shots.
Out of the 9 of us, I came in dead last. Stupid uterus!