How I Know That I'm OLD

* I am getting new glasses soon, and I think I'm going to need bifocals

First I can't wear contacts anymore, then my eyes are too messed up to get Lasik surgery, now this.  Just shoot me :(

* I own pants with an elastic waist

I remember going shopping when I was 20 years old and wore a size 3, and if I took a pair of pants off the rack and saw an elastic waistband, I'd quickly put them back in disgust.  Eww, elastic waistband old lady pants!

*Those kids wearing droopy pants make me mad

Extra old-person credit on this one, since that has been in style for a more than a decade now.

*TV shows were way better back in the 70's

I mean, sure, there are some good shows on now, but they are mostly are on cable.  Back in the olden days a network would give a series some time to find its stride; a lot of great shows like MASH started off with poor ratings, but the network hung in there.  It seems like now that just never happens, and when a good show does come along (Like Freaks and Geeks, for example, or Undeclared, or My So-Called Life) and it doesn't get great ratings immediately it gets canceled, without being given a chance to find its audience.  These impatient young tv whipper-snappers today all need a good spanking, dammit.

* My purse contains more practical items than my entire first apartment did

I have in my purse, right at this moment: an umbrella, ibuprofen, tums, nail file, packet of tissues, excedrin, eye drops, lip balm, hairbrush, mirror, gum, cough drops, iPod, phone, little notebook and pen, ear plugs, bandaid, toothpick, pantiliner, nail clippers, safety pin, lip gloss, wallet. My first apartment contained: lawn furniture, a tv, wine coolers.