Thursday, December 18, 2008

December 18, 2007

Today it's been one year since my Dad passed away.

This is the first time in my life that I've lost someone really close to me. At first it was just overwhelming, then it kind of settled into a depressed hopeless sadness. My Dad was so many different things to me, it kept hitting me all over again: the guy who took me up into the mountains to chop down a Christmas tree is gone, the guy who always brought back Gobstopper candies and Archie comic books back from business trips is gone, the guy who drove me to all my orthodontist appointments is gone, the guy who always had my college graduation photo on his desk is gone.

For the first few months, any mention of someone's Dad dying on tv or in a movie would make me cry. Then it turned into only hitting me every now and then, at weird times. Once a few months ago I was watching something on tv and a woman getting married went and hugged her elderly father, he reminded me of my dad and for one split second I thought I miss him, I think I'll go call him...

My brother and sister-in-law are going to take my Mom out for dinner tonight, since today will be an extra hard day for her. I know every day is hard for her, but she is doing okay. I can't wait to see her, this time next week I will be in GA visiting her for Christmas.

I remember thinking that last year about Dad.


  1. All good thoughts to you Ellen.

  2. My dad has been gone 13 years next week, and I still miss him, and my mom still gets teary sometimes from missing him. If my mom reminds you of yours, your dad reminds me of mine, such a good dad, but playful too. You will always miss him, but missing him will become a kind of comfort, a reminder that at least you had him, he was yours, he is part of who you are. So maybe it really is okay sometimes to sink into the feeling of missing him. Peace, Angella

  3. Thank you Tracey, and thanks to you too, Angella.

    I was actually thinking of my dad just this morning -- I was remembering a time when I was little, during one of the long cold winters. The electric bill came, and it was much much lower than it should have been. Dad called them to report that it wasn't right, and they were so shocked that someone called to say their bill was too LOW.

    What a cool guy. I try very hard to be like him, so I guess it's true that he is a part of who I am. And I'm lucky to have had him.



Tell me what you think!