Christmas Day

Greg and I are here in Georgia for a short visit with Mom.

We had a hard time getting here. On Tuesday we were 300+ miles into our 500 mile drive when something went wrong with the car. An hour and $100 later we had learned that a sensor was breaking and the part wasn't available quickly.  At some point it would go out completely and then the car would lose all power and that would be it.

Knowing that it could happen any minute or not at all, we turned around. We did make it home, after 12+ hours in the car driving through pouring rain, the last hours filled with tension that the engine could stop at any moment. We went to bed and got up at 6am and tried again in our other car.

Wednesday's trip went just perfectly, and were were here in time to take Mom to Red Lobster for Christmas Eve dinner.  Afterwards we exchanged gifts in her apartment and it was lovely.

We'll spend the day with her today and head home again tomorrow after breakfast.  A very short visit, but meaningful.

Mom is doing well overall but is getting a bit forgetful and a bit vague, and it just seems like she is less and less herself.

I'm trying very hard not to worry too much about taking care of her, and taking care of Greg.  The hours and hours and hours of driving hurt his back, and I probably shouldn't have let him drive back up the next day. Plus this is one of those meal situations that's extremely difficult for vegetarians; at Mom's retirement home there's not many choices, and it turns out the restaurant here in the hotel is closed today.

Tomorrow night we'll be back at home, and we'll have a weekend to try to relax and take care of ourselves before we are back at work on Monday.

Greg got me the perfect Christmas present, it's something that I had been wanting but just could not justify spending the money for something so silly and so expensive. A black cat Spirithood! I can't help it, I love it.

Where have I been?

I have been:

Caught up in a job that drains me. I have very little energy, or drive, or me! to do much else, and what little is left over I give to my husband and my mom. I work long hours, I spend way too much time in transit, and as much as I try to force work thoughts out of my head when I'm home, I end up dreaming about it when I sleep.

Peri-menopausal. Some days are fine, some days are bad. I started taking St. John's wort and that has helped an amazing amount.

Worrying about my mom, who I still speak to on the phone every day, although some days she can barely hear me. She is getting more vague, not necessarily with her memory exclusively but with her whole self.  And she is nearly running out of money.


The bad stuff:
Isn't even very bad. I'm just so stressed at work, and it's not just me - things are so hectic there my co-worker burst a blood vessel in her eye. I'm picking up on others' stress and it's hard to let go of when I'm not there.

Seriously, how can I have hot flashes that only affect my feet? Who needs two periods in one month? How can the thing I thought of as "menopause" be so weird, and come and go so randomly?


The good stuff:
I lost NaNoWriMo. But that is good, because I tried. For the first time in three years I wrote, I created, I did it. Maybe I only wrote 15,000 words instead of 50,000, but they are fucking awesome words and I am loving it so much. SO MUCH.

My sweetie pants and I celebrated the 13th anniversary of our first date this past Saturday. Lucky 13, baby!


I don't have the time or energy or serenity to do much blogging anymore, and I miss it.
:(